Micro Aggressions were the topic this
week. These are comments that are tossed
about to friends, co-workers, acquaintances, even family. Most of the time we do not even realize the
things we have said possibly hurt the feelings of the other person, maybe even
damaged the relationship. However, the
comments reveal the true bias and prejudice of the person speaking. These comments, also, damage the self-esteem
and the integrity of the person receiving the comment. It will even invalidate that person’s
presence and importance.
I have been sick the last two weeks and have not gotten out in the
public forum, so I did not observe any micro aggressions this week. I did think back to some friends and their
situations though and recognized micro aggressions toward them.
A friend’s daughter developed epilepsy (now age 5) after finishing
chemo from a rare form of cancer. She
said that she now rarely goes to town with Anna because of all of the stares
and comments. She gets “gah, she’s so
skinny.” “what is wrong with her?” and “how do you do it?” She does it because she loves her child and
wants what is best for her. But the
micro insults and micro invalidations she receives while in town really bring
her down and get her discouraged. We
hope that Anna will get better, but truthfully we don’t know how much longer
she will be with us. Her mother cannot
afford to be discouraged; she needs to be built up and encouraged for Anna and
the 3 other children along with her husband.
Another friend and her husband decided to adopt. They really felt led by God to adopt children
from other races and ethnicities. The
first beautiful baby is a black child from the same state. The second boy (age 8) is from Ethiopia. She says they get snide comments and stares
wherever they go. People don’t
understand. Some people even say don’t
you think they belong with their own kind.
She says “We are all the same in God’s eyes.” The children are thriving, like we knew they
would. The parents are great and have
lots of love to share and God is making their way.
I have learned that no one is immune to micro aggressions. Everyone is guilty of them also. I am now realizing each and every one of us
has to be aware of our biases and aware of our thoughts. Eventually the true thoughts and nature are
going to come out even if we do not mean to hurt someone. Our subconscious will always find a way to
get out. We have to find a way to dispel our biases so we can get about the business of caring for each individual no matter who they are.
Kimberely,
ReplyDeleteYour examples of microaggression are great, although heartbreaking too. I think I agree with your concluding paragraph when you say that we are all guilty, and no one is immune.
It is not so clear to me if all comments and questions are hurtful, especially when the intention is not hurtful. I think there is a grey area, which probably depends on the circumstances.
Zeina
Kim,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've been sick! I'm battling it as well now for almost 2 weeks - barely keeping up! Feel better soon! How sad is it that your friends, with all of the love in their hearts, fall victim to micro aggression. For your friends with a sick child, he heart and prayers go out to them and their family! Wish they could go wit a "who cares" attitude so they can appreciate every last minute with that precious baby! And for your friends who have adopted, they deserve to be applauded! They have taken children and given them a whole new opportunity in life! Those children are beyond blessed and the entire community should be recognizing the selfless effort these people have given the children! You're lucky to have such special people in your life. Rest and I hope you feel better soon!
Kimberly,
ReplyDeleteYour example shows more directly how microaggressions can be damaging. Your friend must have such a struggle to stay positive for her little girl, and to have to avoid going out changes her lifestyle. I will never understand people who have the nerve to judge other people when they have absolutely no facts.
I always felt that if I didn't sling any judgments toward people, I was being anti-racist. This week's readings have brought about the reality of unavoidable oppressive behaviors, and being conscious of it is the first step toward change.
Kimberly,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I love the way you gave examples of microagressions from other people's experiences since you did not witness any this week. I must agree, we all are guilty of using them. Even though I may sometimes say things "jokingly", so people really take offense to it! I have become more cautious in what I say to others, because the things you say to people really stick with them forever.
Eboni